The Age of Understanding Age; The Unbearable Lightness of Dying; The Loss Post

I think I’m going to start diverging from my original subject of cooking and conversations, because there are so many more subjects I’d like to write about- one of the reasons why I’m pursuing journalism. Thank you to all my regular readers for commenting- it means a lot to me and I appreciate your support immensely. You’re the best!

As I’ve mentioned before, the past year of my life has been filled with funerals and thus has spurred thoughts of death in my mind. Death was starting to become so frequent and familiar that I didn’t take it as seriously. It wasn’t until recently, when I visited my parents and cat Sumi-e that I really started to understand the meaning of aging or at least could see and feel it with my own senses. My family has been living with Sumi, a calm, Zen-like black and white cat who loves everyone he comes across, since he showed up on our doorstep one night with his three brothers 13 or so years ago. I didn’t notice how old he was getting until this last visit when I petted him and felt the contours of his skeleton due to his loss of muscle and the oiliness of his fur due to the fact that he was too old and tired to clean himself. I started panicking- I told my parents we needed to take him to the vet and get him bathed ASAP. When did he get so old? When did he lose so much weight?? Is he dying??? Every time I thought of his body deteriorating and the possibility of him dying soon, I broke out into tears. They weren’t the kind of tears I cried at the funerals where I was moved more by the sadness of the people around me than the death of the person I was supposed to be mourning- they were tears of genuine sorrow for the loss of a being who I spent so much of my life with, who I cared about and loved immensely, who I would miss forever.

Then I thought of my parents and how they were also aging, then of family friends, aunts, and uncles. A generation that is burying the generation that came before them and who may not be too far from their own graves. It's especially noticeable now that I have a baby bunny in my life [See The Bean Bun Post]. I don’t mean to sound morbid or depressing, but these are thoughts I’ve been having recently. Trying to grapple with these thoughts has been emotionally exhausting. I want to learn how to cope with loss, but how? After talking about these qualms with different friends and family, I’m starting to realize that it’s best not to dwell on these worries and thoughts. Death is a part of life as The Lion King so spectacularly reminds us in the opening song “The Circle of Life.” Like Simba, I’m going to have to use my grief over the future death of my beloved cat to strengthen my character and resolve to live life to the fullest. As with all the other people who have passed this year, I will learn from his life and honor his memory by being more patient, calm, and loving. Life is too short to worry about death, so live it up, laugh it off, and carry on. “‘Hakuna Matata,’ what a wonderful phrase.”